Are you a zombie?

Leif writes me on business, a shared Mac app. He addresses me as Ms. Kramer and signs it Leif Strand. I know he does this to be as cold as possible. I write back, with a paragraph about the illogic of hating me. Men say they're logical so I try it, but they're not as logical as they say, so instead I'll talk about the couple I heard talking at Bozo Tai Chi (aka Bobo Thai Tea).

I was there for tea with a member of the kink community. In her case, I like them because the women are girlier than the average Portland woman. I miss that, coming from LA.

My new job is writing "personality" quizzes for the web. My last one got 10,000 Facebook likes in a week and was titled, How girly are you?.

We talk about manicures, I let her try the virtual manicure app on my iPhone. We talk about yeast infections, jobs, men and a little about rope. I don't know anything about rope, just that her fingernails and toes nails look pretty in her bondage photos on Fet Life, "the kinky Facebook".

Made with "Make a Zombie" from the iTunes Store.

After she leaves I stay to write my new quiz, Are you a zombie?. I've been watching a lot of "The Walking Dead". I see a guy pacing the tea shop floor who doesn't look like other guys here. He's clean shaven and casually well dressed, metrosexual, which isn't normal in Portland. He is joined soon by a woman. She's Portland in her non distinguishably feminine clothes and practical ponytail, but very pretty. They sit a tea shop comfy table and chairs away, so I hear everything. I'm not trying to, but the borderline tear-ing in her voice draws me in. Their conversation goes like this, I got down quotes:

Him: Sometimes there are impasses.
Her: I don't understand.

Him: Our relationship is a friendship, which is a relationship.
Her: Yes, that's what I need to talk about.

Him: but all of a sudden there's pressure
Her: It wasn't pressure. It wasn't mean to be.

This is when Tourettes overcomes me. I turn to them. The guy smiles. He's hot and totally unfazed by my hearing. "You guys are killing me", I say. I turn to her. Her back is turned but she's not ignoring me. She's just riveted on him. "Please don't want nothing", I tell her. Then I go back to writing Are you a zombie?. "That's a good point", she says to him, but more commenting on it than asserting it. Their conversation goes on in a painful vein.

Him: You have this projection. It can be super rigid. 
Her: I just think we're friends.

Him: I like you too much. I don't want to go back to the way things were. 
Her:  I wasn't trying to say that (then something mumbled).

Him: I don't have impulse control, that's not me, the whole point is I don't have any.
Her: I wasn't asking for that.

Him: So it's a relationship talk?
Her: No it's not that.

Him: I know, it was a joke. So, did you get my side?
Her: I was afraid you'd brush me off.

Him: I think you're too awesome for that. Should we go?

They head out. Though he's closer to the door, he lets her walk in front of him, exercising his gentleman manners. It's ended with the following conclusion, as far as I can tell. He'd like to keep fucking her at his convenience, so if she doesn't make too big a fuss they can stay friends.